Now you see him .. NOW YOU DON'T!

I'm a fish whisperer ...
These are my friends on the fifth floor.

The date of Herschel's eviction is set: Tuesday, June 28, 2011.

He's a tiny little thing now, having been reduced to the size of pinto bean by the months of chemical bombardment and the sheer power of prayer. At diagnosis, he was somewhere between the size of a golf ball and a ping pong ball .. but not nearly so neat or compact. So the news that he's now shrunken to only 23% of his original size is fabulous, miraculous, wonderful news. I couldn't wipe the grin off my face yesterday and nearly hugged the tall, beautiful, wonderful radiologist who happily shared the news with me. Dave, bless his heart, missed the moment, having been relegated to keeping a chair warm in the waiting room. I couldn't wait to show him the report!

And with that report we then traveled to the appointment with the surgical oncologist, Dr. B. She is the elegant, attractive, eloquent lady who is going to extract the screaming Herschel from the inner sanctum of my left boobie and send him to the fiery depths of hell and cremation in some biological dump station in the bowels of MDA. I can't think of a more deserving fate. In some respects I have to express some gratitude to the little bastard. He, at least, had the decency to position himself where I would eventually find him last October 16th. And he graciously responded to the many, many bags of chemo that have been flushed through my body since January 5th. If I had to have a tumor in my breast, at least I got one that was well behaved.

The last FAC chemo session was not remotely pleasant. At the end I was dreading each one knowing what misery I had ahead of me for the next two weeks. If it hadn't been for Dave's cheerleading, love and tough love, I might have quit after two. It was that bad. But I am grateful for the medicine and the wisdom, education and years of study it took to create it and dispense it in a manner that has given me such a positive outcome. Even more, I am grateful to all of you who have walked with me on this road to health and prayed me through the hard times.

Darlene - unplugged.
At the tail end of the last of the bad chemo.

There was a time in my life when I wouldn't have gone to the mailbox without a full face of makeup and freshly washed hair. Ironically, it was a time in my life when I least needed makeup but youthful beauty seems to be completely wasted on the young and dumb!

Now, I can post pictures of myself with no hair, no eyelashes and just the most juvenile of eyebrow hairs. Now I know that it doesn't matter. What matters is on the inside, the hardy core of your middle, the foundation of faith, the appreciation of love, family and friends. What matters is the sparkle in your eye, the laughter in your soul and the ability to ride out the tough times knowing better times are just around the corner.

It's true what they say .. that which doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I'm still on the mend and will be for months to come but the worst of this part of my life is over and I am a better person for having experienced it. I can't thank you enough for holding my hand.

And We're DONE. (With chemo that is.)

Chemo and Cold Pizza. YUM.

It's only been a few days since my last (LAST!!) chemo sesson on Wednesday. I'm feeling weak and yucky and nothing tastes good, so I am right on target with the usual after effects. Noticed a new one though, on Friday, when I took off my nail polish and saw that my toe nails are markedly dark and unhealthy. Not huge in the scheme of things, granted .. and it's only temporary .. but still. This is something that some chemo patients experience only weeks into their treatment and some even lose their nails. Once again, I applaud my body's strength in holding off these side effects until the bitter end. I guess I am stronger than I think, but put much of my "success" with chemo to the never ending prayers from lots and lots of folks I have in my corner. (And you KNOW who YOU are!)

No More Red Devil For Me!

So this is the last of the chemo cocktails (God willing!) for me. I had my usual three doses of steriods to prevent nausea, then my usual three doses of chemo, including the dreaded "red devil" as it apparently is the one that packs the powerful yucky punch.

And the last of this thing ..

I'll be eternally grateful for all the chemo nurses that plumbed me up perfectly and kept it all straight. They were amazing, warm, friendly and kind (with the exception of that one ...) and all so very compassionate. I tried to express my gratitude for their presence each and every time. (At least the times I stayed awake!)

AND .. We're DONE! Outtah HERE!
Goodbye BLUE CHEMO WARD!

And when we were done, I rang the bell! I didn't even know the bell existed though it had been there, every time I was checked in, weighed and had my vitals checked before each chemo session. So much for my powers of observation! I wanted to ring it for about five minutes but since there were still chemo patients in the house (at 7:30 pm!), I practiced a mild level of restraint. It feels so good to have this part behind me!

And even though I know have have the usual two weeks of side effects, I felt a shift in my soul when I knew the last of the chemo had gone into my body. For months I've been so consumed with this chapter and now, even with surgery and radiation to come, I feel like I am on the downhill slope and can start really thinking about my recovery.

Dave and I had to wait two hours for my oncology visit, which was really unusual, so I made every attempt not to get pissy. While we waited, a volunteer named Rosemary approached us. I'd seen her around .. she's hard to miss! She probably weights 100 lbs. dripping wet and 130 with her volunteer jacket on. It has at least a HUNDRED breast cancer pins, symbols, buttons and charms. She's adorable. And she told me about a few programs aimed at helping cancer survivors in their recovery. One of them was Casting for Recovery.

Casting For Recovery Video from Susan Gaetz on Vimeo.

I'm so excited about this possibility .. and plan to investigate how soon I can participate. It might be next spring but you can bet I will do my best to be one of the lucky ladies to participate in this awesome program.

And a friend and fellow cancer survivor had mentioned "dragon boating" to me and when Rosemary gave me some literature, I got very excited about this program as well.

www.pinkphurree.org

Both these programs serve to restore health and vitality to those women who have been thru breast cancer and the repetitive motions of casting and paddling may serve to eliminate or reduce the problems of lymphedema, a common problem after breast cancer surgery. I think it's all VERY cool.

Dave has promised, too, that when I am strong enough we'll start paddling on some area lakes. Being outside, quietly paddling in the shade of an east Texas lake can ONLY be a good thing. I can't wait to get better.

Not much else to tell except that I got in a bit of trouble for NOT going to the hospital when I had fever. Seems I shouldn't have taken the acetaminophen .. as it only masked my "issue". Had I not had the antibiotics to take I could have been in serious trouble. I think the words the doc used where, "You could have died!". Okay .. that got my attention. I will not skip the ER in the future.

My next appointments are on June 22 when I have an ultrasound to see how tiny and insignificant Herschel is now. Since he shrunk 60% with Taxol, I have great faith he's about the size of a lima bean after four nasty sessions of FAC. After that I'll see my breast surgeon and set up a date for Herschel's excavation. I can't wait to boot what's left of his sorry ass to the curb! :)