I'm divorcing Taxol and marrying FAC

Last one, baby ..

When I started this diary of my travels with Herschel it was mostly for me .. a way for me to wrap my brain around what was happening to me. And, too, I hoped it might help another who may be newly diagnosed and wondering just what was ahead in terms of treatment and life changing symptoms. It's been harder to keep up with of late. Partly because I am so exhausted and partly because I am so bored with this whole chapter of my life. I hate complaining and, frankly, the last couple of weeks have been pretty tough.

Taxol is cumulative so the effects slowly build up over time. My course of treatment was twelve weeks and up until about week eight, I was still rocking along pretty well. And then things changed. Someone carelessly left a brick wall in my path and I smacked right into it. Repeatedly. So while I hate to complain, in the interest of educating others on the effects of taxol, here I go:

Neuropathy: My feet and hands have been tingly for weeks but it's almost reached the point of pain. It's a known side effect of chemo, I just hope it goes away.

Chemo tummy: Ugh. I know, too much information but chemo tummy is a cross between food poisoning and someone lacing all your meals with habanero peppers. It has varied from week to week but it's pretty much been a constant the whole twelve weeks.

Sore mouth: For the last six weeks or so I have experienced a 'scorched' feeling in my mouth. As time as gone by, my tongue and taste buds are completely screwed and everything tastes salty. Too salty. Ironically, things like chicken broth which should be salty, aren't. Nothing tastes as it should so I've been less interested in eating (a good thing) and frozen juice popsicles elevated to "perfect food" status. They just feel so damn good.

Skin changes: For a while I noticed an improvement in my skin. But now it's gone downhill. Dry, itchy and subject to breakouts. No bald woman should ever have to suffer pimples too. I'm just sayin'.

Hair loss: I started losing my hair between weeks 3 & 4. So Dave shaved my head. Since then it's grown back to a small degree (I still have lots of skin showing) and the color is white (LOVELY!) and the texture of a toothbrush (Oh GOOD!) I think this re-growth is chemo hair that will eventually be replaced by normal hair but it's not likely until I am completely finished with the second round of chemo. My mother hates it when I run around 'naked' but The Wig feels like a cabbage on my head and scarves are too much trouble. I don't mind wearing hats but with constant hot/cold spells, the hats come off too when the temperature (internal or external) rises.

My eyebrows and eyelashes have always been thick and they have thinned significantly. I might lose what's left with the start of FAC chemo, I just don't know. I haven't shaved my legs or pits since January (Yay! A PERK!) and yes, THAT hair is also gone too. Too bad my bikini figure is but a mere, distant memory ....

I don't even try to fake it any more. Still, Dave can usually make me smile, even when I really don't feel like it. The weariness shows all the time now.

Fatigue: As you know, this has been my nemesis. I have never experienced such life-sucking fatigue in my life. There is no respite. Even sleeping does not relieve it. The smallest tasks requires a rest afterward. I can't walk for more than 50 yards without feeling completely depleted and having to sit for a minute. The muscles in my legs feel like I've run a marathon with a backpack full of rocks. Being so tired and weak makes me cranky and emotional. Intellectually, I know the downsides are proof that the drugs are working but after twelve weeks of this, I am very susceptible to tears and feeling sorry for myself. For five minutes. Dave lets me have five minute pity parties on a regular basis but then, party's over and it's time to get happy. It's a good arrangement except when he catches me crying in the dark in the middle of the night. There are no time limits when I cry in the dark. Dave is a saint.

So, now I am done with Taxol and this week I start the new chemo regime of "FAC". FAC is a cocktail of three different drugs given via my port in my chest. While the Taxol was cumulative, the FAC apparently packs a big initial punch. I expect all the symptoms of Taxol to only intensify with my first treatment of FAC. Then, according to my oncologist and every chemo nurse I've quizzed, I should start to come back slowly. The treatments will be every three weeks rather than weekly so not having to go to Houston every week is already making FAC more attractive. (You might have to remind me I said that next week.)

Okay .. all of that having been said, last week I learned from my ultrasound that Herschel is now fully smaller by half. HALF! That is awesome, welcome news, right? I was thrilled. Makes all the ugly side effects a little easier to bear.

Wednesday, before the FAC treatment, I see my oncologist to get the results from my CT scan and chest x-ray. Hopefully, all the other freaky little things in my lungs, thyroid, liver and kidneys are blissfully unchanged. If so, it confirms they were nothing to worry about anyway.

So, we're off to see the wizard in a couple of days. We're halfway home and counting our blessings. You are most certainly among them!