Day 1691 .. and counting

It's been a while since I posted here - over a year, to be exact.  There isn't a whole lot to tell but June 1st of this year was four years since my last chemo and that, to me, is a date to remember.  Probably more than any other date (discovery, surgeries, radiation graduation), finishing chemo was a really big deal.  

Having to do it again is a large and robust fear now.   Going in the first time, you're scared but you're clueless as to what to expect.  Other's descriptions are either purposefully vague or so horrific that you're sure THOSE THINGS won't happen to you.  It's not an experience I care to repeat ... 

My last checkup was in November.  And there were some areas of concern in my healthy breast, so on Monday, we're repeating the mammogram and ultrasound, just to be sure.  I also have a(nother) new oncologist.  My beloved Dr. M., moved on to a research position in Chicago in 2013.  And now, apparently my replacement doctor has also been replaced.  I'm not worried.  All the doctors at M. D. Anderson are plenty bright for me .. but I do wonder why I'm being passed around like yesterday's tuna sandwich.  I'm hoping because my cancer is on the "back burner" and there are far bigger fires that need putting out, they're just shifting those of us with less immediate issues to doctors who have a schedule to deal with us cancer "graduates".  

I'm still on Tamoxifen, though if it were only up to me, I'd have flushed them long ago and danced to celebrate.  I have another year and a half to go but I am not happy about it.  I still have significant joint pain, neuropathy that is getting worse, I'm fat as a pig and there are other cosmetic issues like brittle hair and fragile nails.  But, as long as I remain cancer free, I suppose it's worth it. 

I only hope that once I'm done, I feel significantly better.  Even now, four years after chemo, there are good days and there are bad days. 

My lymphedema is mild, so that's a good thing.  And on the good days, my stamina is high enough that I almost feel like I did before cancer changed things. 

All in all, I feel I have a lot to be grateful for and I try to express that everyday. So, we'll see on Monday if all is still well.   I'll bet you a fresh tuna sandwich that it is ..