Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Random craziness.

I watched a movie the other night when I couldn't sleep. I couldn't tell you the name of the movie or who was in it or what it was about. (So, then, why did I bring it up, you might ask.) There was one line in this movie that whopped me up beside the head: "There's no time to be chicken." (Celestial choir.) It was as if God Himself had spoken to me. THERE'S NO TIME TO BE CHICKEN.

There is .. NO TIME .. to be CHICKEN.

Man, I needed that. I have been spending way too much time lately being chicken. Here's the thing .. between the time you find there is something to be concerned about and the actual time you are told that a) there is a bonafide problem or b) everything is a-okay, there is this land of limbo. Your choices are to either rise above the fear, continue living as though as all is well OR allowing yourself to be swallowed up by the "what ifs" and becoming paralyzed by fear. I have been somewhere in between, dipping my big toe in the deep end of the "paralyzed with fear pool" from time to time.

The internet is a wonderful place. Many of my friends live inside my computer, I can "big brother" my kids on facebook and be sure they are happy, well and safe at home. I can follow my treatment at MDA by reading all my reports filed by my various docs, pathologists, radiologists and all the "ologists" who have their finger in the Darlene Pie. It's pretty amazing. Then, I can take that information and google anything I don't understand and feel almost like third year medical student. Almost.

The downside of researching all that stuff on the internet is that you can often scare the living crap out of yourself.  And armed with only the vaguest of pathology reports .. one has to question the wisdom of late night googling sessions.  In the dark.  With only you, your flimsy pretend medical degree and the  world-wide-worry-web. 

A week from today I will be at MDA enjoying the attention of a variety of skilled professionals  working with amazing technology to be sure that I am cancer free EVERYWHERE even in places I wish they wouldn't really look!  I'm sure everything will be fine.  There is no cause for alarm .. and there sure as heck isn't any TIME TO BE CHICKEN! 


Because .. it's time to go FISHIN'!

On a lighter, happier, less psychotic note I found out yesterday that I have been one of the lucky ladies selected to attend this spring's "Casting For Recovery" at Joshua Creek Ranch in Boerne.  I was an alternate and now I am GOING!  Since I have never fly fished and it's something I've always wanted to try, I am so excited.  I'll be learning to tie flies and practice casting with 13 other breast cancer survivors before we spend a day with guides learning the "Tao" of fly fishing and practicing catch & release.  It's such a great opportunity and I'm so grateful to all the sponsors that make this retreat possible! It's scheduled for April 13 - 15, right before my birthday! WOOHOO!

(I like fish way better than chicken, any way!)

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