Tuesday, March 6, 2012

The Community

"The only good thing about having this disease is that it links us all together. Complete strangers will weep while reading your words (I know, because I did) and then pray for someone they have never met. It doesn’t matter that we don't know each other. I know the fear, the frustration and weariness you both feel.

My husband so surpassed my expectations, wishes and hopes in supporting me during my treatment. It made me sad to think that he had watched his own mother survive breast cancer for twenty years before she lost HER battle, and now he was having to watch me endure its costs. I imagine some of your wife's anger is because YOU are collateral damage in her fight with this demon. It’s bad enough to watch someone you love have cancer. It’s a whole other ballgame to have cancer and watch the person you love watch back. We can’t live without your love and support and we’d give anything – ANYTHING - to make it all go away.

Keep the faith. And above all else, for what it’s worth, ... you’re not alone."

These were the words I left as a comment on the blog of husband who is watching his wife battle with stage four breast cancer.  Blog For A Cure  is a forum of cancer patients and cancer survivors.  I've been lurking in the wings on this one since I found it almost a year ago.  The level of emotional support offered between strangers who have been diagnosed with the plethora of cancers is miraculous.  

In real life, not many can hear the dirty details of what cancer does to a body, or often what can be worse, what cancer TREATMENT does to a body.  But in this forum virtually anything goes.  No one judges, everyone understands, encourages and prays.  

I confessed to Dave that I had been going there frequently in the past few weeks to look up my two potential cancer addendums.  I wanted to see what experiences others had with diagnosis, treatment and recovery.  Thankfully, now my role can be that of support, prayer and encouragement because yesterday nearly all of my fears were dispelled.

My skin biopsy came back as a benign wart.  As gross as having a wart (or two) is .. it's a far more attractive diagnosis that I imagined I might get!  I'll have a date with the dermatologist soon to have them frozen off.   Mmmm. That might be a strange sensation, given their location!
  
The endometrial biopsy was postponed by my nurse practitioner, A, due to the two days of fever I had last week.  She didn't want to risk my having an infection of some kind or a possible kidney stone, so she postponed the procedure for later this month.  She was also able to alleviate most of my concern about the reason she feels it is necessary.  Though some of my test results are cause for concern, the ultrasound I had last week did not reveal any masses so the chances of uterine cancer, right now, are much lower.  But it's necessary to rule it out, given the abnormal cells seen by the pathologist.

I'm being treated with the utmost care.  And I am in awe of my good fortune every time I go to M. D. Anderson that I have been blessed with a really amazing team of medical professionals who continue to flush all possible demons from every corner. 

So, I came home and opened my own account at Blog For A Cure.  It's time to start giving back and the least I can do with my growing strength and increased stamina is encourage others.  It only takes a few minutes on the site to realize how many people are having a really, really hard time.   Reading the words of stage four cancer warriors is the quickest way I know to be humbled. 

I've learned that it's almost a given to be afraid every time a CT scan is scheduled or any new diagnostic test is suggested.  Like me, my new friends at BFAC realize the possibility for recurrence is a reality but, also like me, they don't want to give the "C" word any more power over our lives than it's already managed to scarf up.

Like I told Dave on the way home, "I'm WELL, so tell the voices in my head to SHUT UP!"  Then it occurred to me that it's MY hand on the volume control. I think I'll drown them out with some ZZ Top.  [SMILE]  Thanks for listening.  Talk amongst yourselves ...  



No comments:

Post a Comment