First of all, thank you for the peanut butter sandwich. I love that you cut it diagonally and put it in a little waxed paper sack. I think waxed paper is highly under-rated these days.
So, I'm sitting in the waiting room. I've been assigned a number to protect my privacy. While I wait, nos. 7, 8 and 9 go before me. An attractive woman in a hospital uniform keeps walking up and down the hallway outside the waiting room pushing some kind of cart. Every time she passes, she looks in, coming and going .. and our eyes meet. Paranoia sets in: "She knows something."
"No. 10."
I rise, clipboard in hand, and walk to the desk around the corner. I answer questions and fork over $310.00. The lady tells me that because I have a lump it is likely that "they" will ask for an ultrasound and since I am self pay, she will need $900.00 before the test is done.
Gulp. "Well, we'll see what happens. I might need to sleep on that."
I return to my seat until the mammogram tech arrives to escort me to the big boobie blaster machine. She asks me if I am cold .. which I thought was very kind considering I was half naked. She explains to me about the mammogram, the number of pictures and that I should not be surprised if I require an ultrasound.
She puts a little foil sticker on Herschel.
And she takes two shots and leaves the room "to check my orders".
RED FLAG.
While she's moving the machine for a 360 view of my pancaked boobies .. I ask questions. "Will my film be seen in house or by some radiologist in some faraway locale?" (I asked this because I have a customer in Hawaii who is a radiologist and she reads all manner of digital imaging from her home office.)
"Oh no, we have two in-house dedicated radiologists who read nothing but mammograms."
That's a good thing, I think.
"How soon after my film is taken will it be seen?"
She tells me that because this is my first mammogram and there are no other films to compare it to, my images will hit the radiologists desk very soon. By days' end she says.
Okay. That's a good thing, I think. But it sounded fishy.
We finish up, she tells me to dress. Before I'm completely dressed, she's back.
"I have some news for you. Because you are self-pay, anything we do from this moment forward we would need prepayment."
"Okay." (Big question mark on my face.)
"And you're going to need a biopsy."
Silence.
Okay .. we've skipped the ultrasound and are going straight for a biopsy. Interesting. Blinking back tears ..
She continues. "And since you are self pay we are referring you to an organization called The Rose."
Okay. Still trying to absorb the last few minutes and their implications.
She provides me with the information about The Rose, we chat briefly about their services and I hug her neck for being so kind.
And then I fight tears all the way to the parking lot, eventually losing the battle. In the car I reach for my phone and I call my best friend in the world. She answers and I share my frightening news.
I cry, she listens and offers her shoulder, her sofa, her chauffeuring services, anything I need.
Her love and kindness makes Herschel's birth a whole lot easier. Since then many of you have shared your near misses and battles won with me. Every email, phone call and card has truly reassured me and given me confidence.
It's been a week of waiting and now we wait some more. I have an appointment on Nov. 16th for a biopsy and then another week before we know the results. I'm not so good at the waiting game.
I might need more peanut butter. With a side order of chocolate. HELLOOOOO Reese's peanut butter cups!
Thanks for listening.
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